Saturday, February 5, 2011

Double Morals

Here is a fun fact. The military in my country is as effective as a marooned cat on an island. When he eventually wakes from his nap (because cats don´t wake simply because their boat is going down), he looks around, and realizes that there is nothing for him to kill. So he does what every sensible cat does, and naps again.
Anyway. The military is a money drain. We could have used our money on donkey research and gotten better results. Its not that its "bad" at what it does, its just that it doesn´t matter what they do. Its NATO who both makes the decisions and poops out gun-heads anyway, so what does our contribution matter? Nada.
The reason for my ripping on the military is because I got my "we have finally realized how awesome you are and therefore cannot let you waste a year of your life on us"- letter. Muh. It took them three years, but they finally realized that my "definition of pacifist" was legit. You see... all you have to do to skip the military service in this country is to tell them that you are a pacifist, or that you have some sort of illness... like "I´m sorry, my p3niz is just to large for running in the mud".

Yeah. I don´t really like the military, or violence for that matter. Which makes this even more ironic.
What you do not know is that most people in this cold, cold north have been in fights, mostly drunkenly and blind, but nonetheless fights. We do not like to be dominated you see... like all other people in the world I guess.
The thing is that me and a buddy were walking home after some beers last night, laughing after a good time out. Then out of nowhere came a drunk dude (he had to be because you don´t simply walk up to strangers in this town), he had a grin that said "IWANNAFIGHT" all over, and so he started abusing us verbally. At this point his two friends (a blond girl and a fat guy) were ignoring him out of shame, and well... we were almost equally drunk, so naturally we stopped to hear him out. It had to be some sort of mistake, right? is he actually stupid enough to spew crap at two guys who just happen to walk by? "naaaah" I thought, but yes, it appeared that he was. For some reason he started threaten my friend that he would kiss him because he claimed that we were gay. The logic at this point was beyond my comprehension, so out of shock and mock curiosity, I just stood there and stared at his ugly face. At this point my friend had summoned enough intellect to respond to the randomness that confronted us. So he said: "OK then, I dear you to kiss me. If you have the balls to do so, you would! Go on, I dear you."
Normally a dude would have just been to shocked to even respond anything, so I have to give my friend some credit for his fast thinking, even though the prospect of the drunk ugly-dude giving him a smooch repulsed me.
Now it was the dude who didn´t know what to say, so he did what every drunkard does when he is at a loss for new thoughts and insults; he tackles. That's what happened next anyway. Next thing I see is a drunken dude flying through the air and face-palming my friend.
And what did I do when this happened? I reacted without thinking, that's what. And this is where the irony of my little tale comes into view. Being one of the tards that have said "nnno, go away" to the military out of principles, I have to say that what I did does not compute. But I think that most of you would agree that me coming to the aid of a friend, even if it is in a violent manner, is acceptable. Without putting too much detail into the picture, I threw my fist into the back of his head, possibly his neck and wrenched him off. The fat guy had also come to help out, though he was more interested in splitting us up than joining in, so luckily my hazy mind didn´t pursue when he towed the drunk guy away from us.

What we learned and moral of the tale:
- Drunken people fight
- Being a pacifist does not make you a saint
- Beer can lead to singing
- The "eye for an eye"- rule is outdated and should be forgotten

As compensation that this story is very human, and not really special I have some pictures for you to laugh at.